October 16, 2018 – Tuesday
I am coming up for air.
My dad has passed away. My heart hurts. Grief is weirdly different for everyone.
I know those things for sure … and yet, I don’t know what to do with that knowledge. “Things” are slowly seeping in. After all, my parents live/d 2100 miles from where I am. Quite the distance … and it wasn’t like I saw Dad all the time … a few times a year at most. But his “presence” was strong and I knew he was around if I needed to call or email.
That is no longer and it is so weird. I don’t like the finality of death. Never have. After a little while I just want the person/animal back! I don’t like it.
We (the family) met up in Denver for his 90th last month. We had dinner and, quite unexpectedly, Dad passed the next day while taking a nap. My suspicions are that he read his directives wrong regarding his meds after a dental procedure and threw a clot. Quick and easy for him … devastating for those of us left behind. We were not ready to let him go.
I was unable to attend his memorial service so asked what is below to be read. This is an abridged version:
We each have our own perception of people … we see different sides that others may not … my “take” on my Dad is different than that of my siblings, or my mom, my children or anyone else. We could all say something about him and we could all say something different. This is my take.
Some of my dad’s most memorable words come in this story …
Kermit and Miss Piggy want to buy some investment property together. So, they went to the bank to see Mr. Paddiwhack about getting some money. Paddiwhack told them they would need to provide the bank with collateral to secure a loan. So, Kermit and Miss Piggy spent the next few nights wracking their brains over what they could provide the bank that was of the utmost value to them. And finally Kermit figured it out. So, the next day he hopped on down to the bank and presented loan officer Paddiwhack with a tiny little statue. The loan officer looked at it and tried not to laugh. Kermit, not to be crushed, asked to speak with the manager. So, the manager came over and Paddiwhack explained that Kermit wanted to secure money for his land purchase using the statue for collateral. And the manager said, “Yes! That’s perfect.” And Paddiwhack, now astounded, said to the manager, “How can we use this as collateral? It has no value. What is it?” And the bank manager put his hand on the loan officer’s shoulder and said, “It’s a knick knack, Paddiwhack … give the frog a loan.”
Yeah, I know – pretty bad but my dad was full of these stories. He loved a good laugh. And this story has a moral to it … which is: what is important to one person may not be important to another. Treasure what is important to you. Hold onto your values and what is of value to you.
Whomever is reading this … whether you knew my dad or not … I want you to know that this man mattered and he was valued.
This was no ordinary life. This was a life well-lived and well-loved, and a life that will be deeply missed.
What you might know/not know about my dad:
Dad was frugal. If something could be fixed for the millionth time – he’d fix it. It might not look good, it might not run well … but it was fixed! NO need for a new … whatever!
What you might not know is that he was also very generous. Pretty much his entire life he gave of his time and talents, energy and funds to various organizations … he was proud of his affiliation and support with the Neighborhood Boys (and Girls) Club of Chicago. He was proactive with Little League from early on for years and years and for 17 years he worked tirelessly as a Commissioner and at times President of the Niles Park District. He was instrumental in acquiring land and properties (a golf course, various pools, playgrounds and parks around town) and initiating programs and income for the park system. During his 39 years at A.B. Dick Company, Dad was involved in TAPPI, Rotary, and sports teams. He was involved with this church and for the past 20 years he was Treasurer. He gave of himself to so many, so often, so quietly. He helped all of us kids get our first homes (and then some) … he paid for our educations and those of our children. And supported us along the way all these years.
Dad loved to bike. What you might not know is that for many summers he biked 1500 miles … mostly during May through September … in and around the Chicago area. The last time he was on his bike, it was early summer. He pedaled 8 miles wanting to check the flood level of the local river! I talked with him after he got back home and he said there was something wrong with the bike and that he wasn’t going to take it out again … it was all wobbly and didn’t go very fast! I agreed with him that the frame must have been bent and that to be on the safe side he probably shouldn’t ride it anymore. I didn’t have the heart to tell him that at 89 – it was his balance and strength and not the bike that made things wobbly and slow.
Dad was a walker. What you might not know is that he also walked 1000 miles those summers. As kids he’d take along one or two of us and a neighbor kid and walk from our house and walk for miles and miles across the onion fields, prairies and empty lots – where another town is now. Sundays we’d walk the forest preserves. I loved those outings with him.
For years and years he’d walk from the house in Park Ridge to downtown Chicago (16 miles) … many, many, many times each year. Sometimes he’d go down and walk Navy Pier or the river walk … and others he’d just go to the basement of Marshall Fields and get his free rootbeer and then take the “L” home again.
Dad liked to eat. What you might not know is that Dad had an iron gut. Seriously, the man could eat anything. He loved popcorn, caramel corn, licorice and pizza. Anything chocolate – especially turtles and malted milk balls. I’m pretty sure that while growing up he ate more of our Easter and Halloween candy than we all did – combined! He was also a big fruit and salad bar fan. His last lunch was of a liver sausage sandwich. Gross to me (and most of us) but man he loved his liverwurst!
Dad loved to hum and whistle. What you might not know is that he knew every word to every Broadway musical. You might also know that he loved movies. What you might not know is that he was IN two movies … he was in Babe (about Babe Ruth not the singing pig) and he was an airport terminal extra in one of the Home Alone movies. His biggest claim to fame in the movie genre never really ever happened … though we all told our kids that it did! I think I started it but we told our kids that Dad was Conrad Birdie in Bye, Bye Birdie. When they’d say Conrad didn’t really LOOK like Grandpa – we just said that Grandpa was younger then. People change. The same story went for the guy in the green shirt, dancing at the carnival at the end of Grease. Dad loved those claims to movie fame!
Dad loved sports and fitness. What you might not know is while he cheered on all Chicago teams (well, maybe not the White Sox) – his heart belonged to the Cubs. We were all so thankful Dad got to see his Cubbies win the World Series! Dad, in earlier years, was a golfer; he played handball, softball, and as a kid – football. For Christmas, one year as a kid, he got his first football. It was the first one he’d ever seen … and he didn’t know what it was! How we’d laugh when he told us he thought it was a big NUT! Dad was part of the Lunch Bunch Fitness Group at Lutheran General Hospital for 20 years. Always Mr. Fitness! Up until his trip to Denver, he’d go to “Fitness” 3x a week … and at 89 the man could still hold a one-minute plank! Amazing.
Dad was unusually brilliant. He beat the pants off of all of us when playing cards or games – his memory and strategy were astounding. He crunched numbers … he was a fantastically quick mathematician. He loved doling out brain teasers and playing with his grandkids and great grandkids. He could fix anything. He always won when playing ping pong. He loved to drive. He loved the view of a descending plain. He loved Chicago and Colorado. He could touch his tongue to his nose. (I wish I were at that service because I’m pretty sure people were trying to do that after this was read!) He was funny and loyal and sometimes REALLY headstrong. He was kind and giving and always an advocate for kids and community. And he loved telling jokes and stories … the cornier the better. Even if we groaned because we heard them 400 times … I know we’ll all miss those!
Dad loved to garden. What you might not know is that Dad loved to grow tomatoes and that each summer he’d categorize them … tennis ball sized ones were “A”s … a little smaller were “B”s … and then smaller still were “C”s. He was very proud of his crops! Last year he grew 413 tomatoes!
One year he packed about 40 tomatoes, each separately in newspaper and bubble wrap, for us to take on our drive home to Colorado. By the time we reached Omaha, the tomatoes had cooked in the hot car and we had moldy, hot tomato soup in a cardboard box in the back seat! Thanks Dad!
Dad loved animals. What you might not know is that Dad loved turtles. He had a box turtle as a kid and then every time we found one on the side of the road, on one of our many family vacations, we’d bring it home! He also loved dogs and had a dachshund in his life for roughly 83 years. He started out with Blackie … and ended up with Lady. He made up a song about them. He wrote a story about them. He loved his dogs (and his granddogs.)
Dad loved his family … wife, 3 kids, 6 grandkids, 3 great grands. What you might not know is that while he loved all of us … he loved his grandchildren fiercely. When left in his charge, he’d make them sandwiches of peanut butter and bananas … Dad called it lunch from Jacques Fancy Restaurant. It wasn’t until later in life that Dad became a hugger. He wasn’t exactly an in-your-face with the emotions kind of guy. He was more like an m&m that was left in the sun … a bit hard shelled but gooey on the inside. He showed his love in different ways … with trips on the “L’ and brain teasers and story problems … with the sharing of stories and corny jokes … with unheeded advice and criticism. It was his way. He loved that each of the grandkids were different but yet shared similar traits … brainy, athletic, sweet, quirky, driven, grounded.
He was a fair and decent human being. And, we will miss him terribly but we are all so fortunate we had him in our lives for so long and that his passing was quick and nothing but sweet slumber for him.
Thank you for letting me ramble on about this man – who meant so much to so many. I’m going to end with this story …
After his passing, I was cleaning out the desk drawers in his room. So much stuff. I mean, SO MUCH STUFF! A mish mash of black and white 60s photos of some work party, receipts from the dawn of time, current financials, a random ping pong ball, pens and old film containers (organization was not his forte!) … and as I pulled out this stack of stuff from one of the drawers … I heard the little tinkle of a bell. My arms full of papers and envelopes and pencils, I started taking things off the top of the stack … until I uncovered a teeny tiny little silver bell. My eyes welled up because I knew what it meant. One of Dad’s all time favorite movies was It’s a Wonderful Life … and at the end of the movie a bell tinkles and the character Zuzu says, “Every time a bell rings, an angel gets his wings.”
Atta boy, Dad … you got ’em.