Day 227
Integrity … a concept of consistency of actions, values, and expectations. Honesty. Decency. Adherence to moral and ethical principles. Soundness of character.
A zillion light years ago I found myself in a position where I let myself down … I compromised my integrity. And I knew it as soon as it happened and right afterwards I vowed I would be more aware in the future and not let it happen again. I surely will disappoint others along this life’s path … it’s unavoidable as everyone has different viewpoints and values and ideals. However, I didn’t like the thought of disappointing myself, again.
I was very involved with the PTO when my kids were younger. I was president, at the time, and we held a meeting one afternoon and it revolved around voting on how we were going to fund certain projects/issues.
While PTO stands for Parent-Teacher Organization we RARELY had any teachers attend any of our meetings. Two teachers were supposed to attend every meeting but that, too, rarely happened.
In any case the issue up for voting was regarding funding teacher positions. My stance was clear … parental funding for educational positions was privatizing public education. I was totally against it. Had been from the start. I was very adamant about it. I made my stance loud and clear. I wanted us to petition the state for more funding instead of us digging into our own pockets.
And though I had that opinion I wasn’t ugly or mean-spirited to those that did not share my viewpoint … and very few did. They wanted to raise whatever money we could to pay for the positions and I didn’t … knowing that the precedent would be made and the funding would continue to dwindle with each ensuing year with government thinking that if we could fund it one year … we certainly could fund it the next and so on and so on and so on … until we would, basically, become a private school funded for the most part by attending families. I didn’t like it. It didn’t sit well. We did not attend a private school … but a public facility. Parents should not be expected to pay for public education.
On that given afternoon just about every teacher attended our meeting. Every teacher and 20 parents. And me. We had people stand up and state their case pro or con. I was the only con in the room. Or at least the only con in the room that said anything.
As I looked around the room at those faces that afternoon I saw in those teachers … those women who would be imparting knowledge and help and care unto my children for the next few years … not an acceptance of my values though different from their own, not fear for their jobs … but something akin to pure hatred.
It was UGLY. It was personal. It was scary. And at that moment … when the time came to vote I knew that as the votes were read the ONE nay vote would be mine … and I, in that instant, wavered and threw my integrity out the window, and voted for the funding. I knew my one nay vote wouldn’t make a difference in the overall outcome, but I didn’t want the repercussions of my vote to impact my children’s lives.
So, as they read off the votes I was thinking that there would be all yays and that people would think I was an okay person and that my kids were good and all was blue skies and butterflies.
And then a NAY vote was read. And everyone, except me and the person who voted it, thought it was my vote. And the repercussions ensued anyway.
Everything straightened out – somewhat … eventually – but the atmosphere was never the same after that for me at that school. I might as well had a big red A on my chest whenever I came in the building … standing for anti-funding (not adultery).
In any case … I compromised my beliefs that day because I wanted life to be easier, people to like me, things to be smooth again and I compromised my integrity in doing so. I got bit in the butt anyway … so I should have just stood my ground and voted my conscience. At least I would have felt better nursing the wounds knowing I hadn’t disappointed myself.