Day 263
I am a bookie. No, not that kind of bookie … but a lover of books. Without counting I would calculate that I have roughly 400. Maybe more. Not counting all of my educational and tutor books.
And, as sad as it is, I’ve read only a fraction of what I own. And I’m not talking paperbacks … I’ve got beautiful coffee table books, biographies, travel tomes, books on Egyptian history, architectural design, dog stories, gardening, self-discovery, writing, famous train crashes, you name it! Along with the unusual books that hold tidbits of wisdom, trivia and interesting info, condensed volumes of Mark Twain and a full set of encyclopedias (dated pre-internet).
I would like to read all of them. But the problem is I get consumed by reading. I don’t want to do anything else. I read until the wee hours of the night. Dream about what I’m reading and then wake up, baggy-eyed, only wanting one thing … to read some more.
Reading is like a drug to me. And I have NO willpower against it. So, I do not allow myself to read very often.
It’s been awhile since I have picked up an actual book. I’m a big magazine peruser … but books, not so much (for the reasons stated). So, when at the library the other day and my mom suggested a mystery I thought, “Why not? It would be nice to leisurely read a book.”
And I STILL think it would be nice to leisurely read a book because when I’m reading it’s not leisurely. I’m consumed. I’m on a mission. I can’t concentrate on anything else. I don’t want to do any work – home or office. I don’t want to shower. I just want to loll around and READ! It’s pathetic.
I’m a book junkie!
Anyway, throwing all this self-knowledge out the window, I started the book last night. I was so tired and yet I stayed up way too late telling myself … just one more chapter. I finally turned off the light when I jolted myself awake!
I dreamed about the story. I knew this couple … neighbors, friends, maybe I WAS this couple (or at least the woman). I don’t know. Dreams are weird – everything makes sense when you’re sleeping and nothing makes sense when you are awake!
In any case, when I woke up all I wanted to do was to continue to read. But I told myself I had to get up and shower, work and then paint. So, I did what any book junkie would do … I stayed in bed and read.
Around noon I finally showered and did some emails and some much needed business tending and then feeling incredibly guilty the whole time I was doing it – I read some more. About 200 pages more until I finished the book. I was possessed! I had to finish it. There was no stopping me!
There I was a pitiful sight, in my paint clothes – not a paint brush in sight, curled up in my chair … reading away the afternoon. And I would have enjoyed it SO much more had I not felt so guilty about allowing myself this small pleasure!
When someone asks me if I’ve read … such and such book … I usually say no with my reason being … I DON’T HAVE THE TIME. And I usually get looks back at me that say … but you work from home, how can you NOT have the time?
But, as you can see from what I just described … I don’t. I have a business to run, a house to maintain, animals to feed, bushes to trim, a life to live. I can’t just cast all of those things aside (as I know I will) to just READ!
So, the other library book that I picked up – the one that is still on my nightstand, calling me as I type – is going back to the library tomorrow. Unopened. I’m going to put it in the car right now so I’m not tempted to open it up once I’m in bed.
I know myself. I know how I operate. And if I open that book I’m a goner. And frankly, I’ve got too much to do!