March 28, 2024 ~ Thursday (spring like temps but still 6″ of snow on the ground)
Every so often I find myself out of the shower, not quite dried off, and wrestling to pull my yoga pants onto my damp legs. It’s kind of akin to wrestling an octopus in a confined space (because well, in this tiny house, it’s a tiny bathroom) … and losing.
But, the alternative options of clothing bring me to bouts of PTSD or tidal waves of gratitude that it’s not pantyhose I’m wrangling with. Oh, those were the days!
I remember in junior high (we called it junior high back then, not middle school) and my mom let me wear fishnet stockings! OMG – hallelujah! I had arrived! I was stylin’. I had white ones and orange ones (why?) … but damn if I didn’t LOVE those damn fishnets! Except for one thing … how to keep them up? There were no pantyhose those days … so, these were regular stockings that you had to use a (horrors!) garter belt with! Yeah – try wrestling one of those things under your clothes without looking like you’re smuggling hardware from the Sears tool section under your skirt! They were lumpy, bumpy, and if you could manage to clip the top of the stocking into the garter clip (without running it) – you had to do it three more times! Two for each leg, one front and one back. Stupid. But, we did it!
Then one day someone invented what I now would call the “leg scrunchee”. A large, covered hair tie rubberband of sorts that you rolled up your leg and around the top of the stocking on your thigh. No more garter belts! Yay! But, as easy as it was for those rubberband things to roll UP your leg … they also easily rolled DOWN your leg! So, you could be in the middle of English class, standing in the front of the room presenting your report on Clarissa Harlowe Barton (aka: Clara, founder of the American Red Cross) and you could feel that rubber band thing starting to roll down your thigh. So, you’d talk faster – hoping that you’d be done with said report before your whole stocking ended up at your ankle in front of your whole class. Trauma at its finest.
And do NOT get me started on those horrid sanitary napkin belt things. OMG. Guys – you have NO idea how easy you have it!
Anyway … for years I got up at the crack of dawn and put on nylons/hose/fishnets … and then finally pantyhose. Big thanks to pantyhose inventor, Allen E. Grant, who in 1959 came up with the idea while coming home from the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade on an overnight train to his home in NC. He originally called them “panti-legs” … but if he had this idea in 1959, why the hell didn’t we get them until 15 years later?! Because it wasn’t until the late 60s that manufacturers came up with a more affordable product, thus allowing to supply the average consumer. As early as the ’40s costumers were sewing stockings onto undergarments for dancers in movies. (Think how Ann Miller would look in those fabulous costumes without pantyhose!) Original materials were rayon or silk (aka: silk stockings) and in the ’60s the materials changed to nylon (aka: nylons). In 1974, Julie Newmar (Catwoman of Batman fame) patented pantyhose with a “butt band” (supposedly giving one’s behind a lift) and well, the rest is history.
In those “olden days” I’d get up and start my day by showering, drying and curling my hair, applying makeup, and getting dressed (always with pantyhose or stockings of some sort if wearing a skirt or dress). I’d pick out jewelry, eat something for breakfast, and run to the bus for school or work. All before 7am. The whole idea of it all makes me think … damn … that was CRAZY!
And who wanted to EVER wear pantyhose in the SUMMER?! Egad. Yoga pants or yoga capris are bad enough. It’s like wearing a wetsuit in a sauna!
In any case … the years of “dressing up” for school and work are behind me. Somewhere around the turn of this century, yoga pants came into style. They replaced the ever-lovely and oh-so-flattering stirrup pants (snicker/snicker – the ’90s saw them again rising from their popularity in the ’60s). Once again, all I can say is … yay for yoga pants.
I’ve been living in them ever since.
And do I DO yoga? Not on your life. But, damn if they’re not comfortable and (unless your legs are wet) easy to get on and wear.
And yeah, there are days when I miss dressing up. I sometimes crave a freshly ironed something and wearing “hose” and heels and something girly. But those moments and yearnings are fleeting. Every once in a while it is nice. But, on a daily basis? Um, no thanks. I am not Donna Reed or June Cleaver.
In the 1820’s (200 years ago – egad!) … women’s fashions were dresses with large, puffed, long sleeves, high collars, cinched waists, and gored skirts (tighter at the waist/flared at the ankles). They called this the Early Romantic Silhouette. I call it the straightjacket, sweatsuit from hell. I can’t imagine. There are days in the summer when I am about to faint wearing linen capris and a tank top. I cannot imagine wearing a dress like that AND the petticoats and undergarments required for such. I’d be like one of those fainting goats – falling over from heat exhaustion all time!
In the 1920s (100 years ago – when my grandpa was in his 20s and my dad was not yet a thought) … women’s fashions were mostly that of the “Roaring Twenties” flapper style ensemble. A functional dress (ranging from knee length to ankle), which was low-cut and which flattened the bust line rather than accentuating it. It was usually sleeveless or had sheer long sleeves. Extravagant accessories (strings of pearls) were the norm as well as donning a cloche hat. I have a photo of my grandmother wearing such an outfit. It’s amazing and she looked like a million bucks!
Anyway … as I was hopping around my bathroom this morning, trying to get my legs into my yoga pants without causing myself injury or losing a tooth by falling into the bathtub mid hop … I thanked the fashion designers of late for making my life easier than it was or could be. No petticoats, layers of undergarments, corsets, or even pantyhose for me. Now if I’d only dry off my legs better before getting dressed!
In any case … yay for yoga pants!