Day 208
I was looking through a past issue of Martha Stewart Living sometime last week and pulled out a page entitled … “Summer Essentials”.
Essential for whom? Certainly not me. Nor for anyone I personally know or (I could probably ascertain) for the vast majority of the female population throughout our country.
And I don’t mean just because of tighter budgets and less disposable income (what is that, anyway). But seriously … who would do this?
In any case, the page consisted of 10 items, all pictured, with the information about each numbered item at the bottom of the page …
Summer essentials …
Item 1: A pair of Kyocera knives. Apparently they make “cutting a tomato a pleasure”. They are $50 each. I’m sorry … but does anyone really need a $50 knife to cut a tomato? What are those tomatoes made of … steel?
Item 2: Haruki Murakami’s latest beach read 1Q84. It’s said to be “beautiful and out there.” $18. I’d rather go to the library to get a book than drop $18 and I don’t have time to sit on the beach and read it even if I got it!
Item 3: White skinny jeans. $185. Okay, I have several problems with this one. Unless you weigh in at 12 lbs and are practically fetal you cannot wear white skinny jeans. Certainly I cannot wear skinny jeans. I’ve tried but tree-trunk legs do not fit into pencil pants. And secondly, who is wearing JEANS in the summer? I’m sorry … where are these essentials for … Alaska? It was a zillion degrees across the country this summer – NO ONE is wearing jeans. And, excuse me … $185 for a pair of jeans? If I’m buying $185 jeans they’d better be magical pants and make me look like J-Lo when I have them on. Enough said.
Item 4: Taurus eau de parfum. $275. Yes, that is not a typo. Two hundred and seventy-five dollars for a scent. I don’t care if it IS “parfum” … at that price it had better attract really rich guys who want to buy you mansions and yachts.
Item 5: So De Mel bikinis … “practical, minimal and modern”. $185. I’m sorry, again. Practical? Um, really? Have you EVER bent over in a bikini? NOT practical at all. Minimal – yes, they’ve got that one right. And modern? Well, as far as I can tell the bikini has looked pretty much the same as it did when it first debuted in 1946. Unless you are wearing a onesie from 1930, yeah … I guess it’s modern. But for $185? Again, not practical. One dive and that sucker is coming off and ending up clogging the filter system of your local pool!
Item 6: Meyer lemons. $Priceless. Apparently we are all to pick them from the trees in our yards as they brighten any dish and are so readily available throughout the summer months. Yeah – right.
Item 7: A beach vacation to Cuixmala, Mexico … specifically Caleta Blanca beach. Sure let’s all go … don’t forget to pack an extra $185 bikini.
Item 8: A white tee shirt. $168. “Perfect for layering”. I’m practically speechless on this one. A white tee shirt for $168? Does this woman not eat mustard? One drip and the shirt is in the rag bin to wash the car.
Item 9: Leather equestrian-influenced handbag. $750. Make it big enough ladies to throw your tee and bikini and parfum in for safe keeping. And then hire yourself a body guard to watch it.
Item 10: Designer necklace. $Not listed. Have one of your friends whip you up one in their spare time … diamonds and rare gems are an added plus.
The one item I’m realizing they forgot …
Item 11: MONEY!