Monday, September 8, 8:38 pm
I was doing just fine until he carried in the rat trap.
Yes, a RAT TRAP. For my basement. In my HOUSE.
I recoiled in horror as he entered through my patio doors carrying it and I yelled out, in what I can only assume was something sounding akin to a screech owl, “What the HELL is that for?”
(Which, again, makes me realize how ingrained the Chicago-speak is in me with my unnecessary preposition use! And there I go, again!)
Obviously, Mr. Pest Man gave up his day job as comedian to do this pest service position because he answered me, “Well, it’s not for buffalo – that’s for sure.”
Very funny, Trap Boy.
If I had taken the two seconds needed to read the writing on the largest trap I’ve ever seen, I would have read Rat Trap on it and would have known that it was a trap … for rats (not for buffalo, that’s for sure)! But seriously? For MY basement? MY house?
Apparently, the island is known for its rats. Island Rats! No one bothered to tell me this before I moved here. I haven’t seen one (yet) … do they wear hula skirts (or is that another island??) … or do they look like Templeton – all beady eyed and, well, ratty looking?
The pest control guy was very calm as he helped me down off the chair that I had climbed up onto when he walked in carrying THAT THING. I am not faint of heart (only with spiders – hence why I had a pest control guy in my house in the first place). Spiders are one thing … but rats?
He explained to me that the “evidence” he had seen near my furnace looked quite old – but he was just taking a precautionary measure. Apparently, island rats need sweaters in the winter – or raincoats – and come INSIDE where it’s nice and cozy – usually snuggling up in/near someone’s furnace. FABULOUS! That wasn’t the word I originally used but it started similarly. I’m just glad the dogs aren’t parrots lately or I’d be washing their little beaks out with soap all day long!
The pest guy (whose name now escapes me but I’m thinking it was Perry – but that’s too lyrical … Perry the Pest Guy) was very thorough and sprayed the perimeter and every crack and crevice in this house! I know this because as he went room to room with his Ghost Buster pack on his back, I was not too far behind. I wanted to see him annihilate whatever he came across! He said the spiders I had already killed (squashed beyond recognition) were common wood spiders and wouldn’t cause me any problems. (Well, not any more cuz they were DEAD!) I guess he doesn’t consider having a heart attack in the shower a problem after seeing a spider crawling towards your bar of soap! But, again, this is coming from a guy who stuck his hand up a dark and creepy 8″ hole without batting an eyelash! I have goosebumps still!
He also went on to tell me that it was a good thing I called him NOW – as the next two months are spider mating season! Who knew? Not I and I certainly don’t want any dating or mating going on in my house – unless it’s done by ME!
He checked the attic … all good (pest wise), except the insulation is old and upside down. How nice! My attic is staying nice and toasty in the winter! He also pointed out several cracks, holes and areas where insects, vermin, bats and (again) buffalo could wiggle through and be nice and cozy all winter long. He recommended I call an insulation team to remove the old insulation, caulk, seal, screen and insulate.
The money pit continues to eat my savings.
Lyrically named Perry continued through the house – pointing out “areas of entry”. I’m more open than the U.S. borders! Where is Homeland Security when you REALLY need them?
After our interior rounds, he went outside and in one fell swoop (after spraying) knocked down a wasp’s nest the size of Georgia (or a small basketball) from the eaves on the south side of the house. Of course, this was the exact area over which I’ve been working all week! How did I not notice this creature-made monstrosity over my head? He took it home to show his kids. It was most impressive. I was just glad it wasn’t filled with spiders or rats!
He’s coming to check on the trap next week (I haven’t heard or seen anything, so I think we are in the clear) … but if I hear a SNAP! you can bet I’m calling Perry Pest Control back to deal with it. And, personally, I’m hoping if something IS caught in it – that it’s not a rat or a spider but, instead, maybe a buffalo.