December 12, 2021 ~ early Sunday morning
I am one who cherishes the journey ~ whatever it may be. The destination is great to get to but the journey is the thing that matters … it’s to be savored, enjoyed, learned from and remembered.
But, with 19 days until the New Year … I just want it here. Right now, I’m all about the destination. If I skipped Christmas this year, that would be okay with me if it got me to the start of the new year sooner.
Stupid, I know.
But, I’m weary. I think we’re all a bit weary. It’s late in the year … and it’s been a year and then some. And the gray/cold/raininess/early darkness and continued bad news (on a daily basis) don’t help at all. I had lunch with a good friend today and she said she was tired. And I had to agree with her. It’s not just the fatigue from every day stuff or a bad night’s sleep … but from the past 5 years of … LIFE. For non-Trumpers the Trump era was lousy. And that political craziness continues to make it so. I don’t think I know anyone who can honestly say it hasn’t been exhausting – all this political strife … uncertainty … the Covid conundrum … social unrest … mass shootings … extreme weather … life in general.
I love a clean slate. It gets to be about this time every year (maybe a bit later/like the 27th … so, I’m a good two weeks early this time around) that I start getting antsy for the calendar to turn to January. A do-over … a clean page … so many possibilities … such promise! And, like always, that’s what I am expecting for 2022. But, I’m antsy already and I just want the new year to begin!
It’s been a wearisome few years. A LOT of changes in our country and in our personal lives. My dad died in 2018 … I packed up their home/and my mother and moved her out of their long-time home and across the country. That was hard. In the middle of all that, both of my old dogs died. 2018 did not end well.
And then came 2019 … things were better … mom was settled … I was going to move to NC … things were going along (pretty) okay. I closed my long-time business and was looking forward to a new chapter. And as the year came to a close there was word that a strange virus was spreading.
And then came 2020 … it had a good ring to it … but then Covid happened. My plans to move were delayed – again. And, we all know what came next – NOTHING. Shut downs/stay at home requests/don’t go anywhere/don’t see anyone/wear a mask/socially distance. On top of a pandemic, there was too much political craziness/social unrest/etcetera … etcetera … etc! It was an onslaught of everything … and also the uneasiness of nothing. I kept my distance from everyone/including my dear older neighbors … not wanting to risk infecting them somehow – and then one died. Heartbreak all over again. But then glimmers of hope and good … a little chihuahua adopted me, Trump was dumped and Covid vaccines began.
And then we turned the page to 2021 and Covid continued to rage and spike – again … still. And, more of the same including an insurrection. Ups and downs, masks/no masks/masks again … social distancing/closures/worry/uncertainty/variants … more social unrest … more political craziness including that failed coup … you name it. And then a sweet old lab came into my life. But, above everything … with certainty … I can say it’s been a wild year!
And I for one – just want it over.
I hate wanting to push ahead and just “get there” as I have friends and family to see/enjoy … holidays to cherish and make memories from … things to experience … people to love and share life with. And yet … I am antsy and just. want. this. year. over.
I need that new clean slate … I need that calendar page to turn … I need the promise of change and possibilities in ALL things. I need to believe that this journey – while full of lessons, joys, celebrations, love, friendships, rewards, challenges and hardships – will be calmer/better/easier a mere 19 days from now. In this new year … I’m hoping for less craziness. More intelligence and understanding. Less angst. Less worry. Less fear. More laughter. More patience and peace. And far less weariness.
I know that going forward will ultimately lead us to our destinations … whatever/wherever they may be. But I also hope that we are less wearisome on the journey getting there.
I am … looking forward.