November 7, 2023 ~ Tuesday night (another day/another night/more meds, please)
I consider myself a healthy person – relatively speaking. Yes, I’m sensitive to almost everything on the planet, allergic to a few others, and a sesame seed away from living in a plastic bubble – but then, it would have to be something other than plastic, because I can’t handle that, either. But, I’m rarely sick.
But when I found myself in the Urgent Care exam room twice in as many months and needing antibios. I wondered. And, when both docs suggested that I have my tonsils looked at, I wondered more and I did. My primary recommended an ENT and a month later, there I was sitting in his office with my mouth open like an ungracious cod fish with him peering down my maw with one of those baby flashlights. He stood up, made eye contact, and said, “Wow.” Oh great! NOT what you want to hear from your ENT! He began furiously scribbling on whatever sheet was on his clipboard (yes, people still use clipboards! I love them – mini-tables / tables on the go – I digress.) … he stopped whatever he was writing and looked at me and said, “Yeah, we’re gonna take those out.”
And so that is what happened last Thursday.
A quick trip to the surgery center, a couple of warm blankets, and a nice chitchat with a very friendly preop nurse (who told me she kissed a walrus when she was 5). Seriously, I did not dream that – that was before I had any drugs in me! The anesthesiologist gave me a very (way too) graphic run-down of what was going to happen and told me that in an hour or so, I’d be waking up – tonsil-free and raring to go.
Well, in theory. I fought everything. I didn’t, but my body did. I fought the anesthesia. I fought the breathing tube. My body refused to give up the goods. Enormous tonsils + a very tiny airway = prying the jaw open. I can only picture myself looking like a human Pez dispenser for an hour or more. Too bad I’m not full of brick-like tasty candies!
The operation took twice as long as expected. The breathing tube abraded my esophagus, they wrestled with the tongue and tonsils, and somewhere along the line, I think a crown got chipped. Apparently, I also have very sharp teeth. My bottom inside lip, tongue, and sides of my mouth were all cut up – making me feel like I’d been chewing on glass shards. My tongue was swollen, black and blue, and too sore to move. (Really creepy.) The roof of my mouth is toric and (still) feels like it’s been on the receiving end of a mouthful of burning/too-hot cocoa or hot cheese. I also had a bruised neck, sore right knee and hip. What – did they drop me? Sit on me? I doubt it – but odd pains in places that should not be associated with a tonsillectomy.
In any case – gentleness was not being had. This was not one of those poetic moments or Dylan Thomas scenarios … “Go gentle into that good night.’ This was, “Get the damn, unwilling-to-leave-the-body tonsils out, and let’s go have lunch” times.
And, so, post-surgery, I woke up (rather slowly), didn’t remember anything the doctor said, was taken home, and had a very sleepy first day and night – drugged up but good. But, I’d been thinking … I’ve had a C-section without anesthesia – this should be a walk in the park, right? 6-year-olds get their tonsils out – how bad can this be?
Let me tell you – pretty $%&(*+$#(%@#@ bad!
So, this past week was a lot of sleeping and a lot of pain meds (that didn’t really seem to work as well as they should have) and broth and tea. Lots of tea. Honey is my new best friend. I am the Goldilocks version of tonsillectomy recovery because the temperature of anything in my mouth has to be just right. Anything hot was too hot, anything cold was too cold and burning … tepid is/was best. And forget about anything dairy (lactose intolerant), or fruity (applesauce/jello/fruit pops = too acidic). What I wouldn’t give for a barbacoa burrito!
In my mind, I’m one of those creepy fish in the depths of the ocean that have that little lightbulb hanging over their mouths — wide mouths ready for food. Well, I’m ready for food – but my body isn’t having it – yet. Willing but not able. It’s been a week!
So, why am I not eating yet? Well, the prying open of the jaw will do that. Jaw hinges don’t really like being pried open! I have ear and jaw pain still and can only open my mouth so much. The first few days I couldn’t do anything but sip … then I got a cracker in … then a baby spoon. So, I can get in broth, tiny bits of scrambled eggs, and have been nibbling on crackers until the ends get soggy/mushy (disintegrated) enough for me to swallow down with a sip of tea. I can now make a cracker last an HOUR! Today I got some noodles in me with the broth – progress!
I know sleep is good when recuperating – it’s the time when the body gets rid of toxins (aka meds/anesthesia/etc) and cells are rejuvenated. I need a lot of cell rejuvenation on a regular day! So, I slept a LOT this past week. And, that’s fine by me – I didn’t really feel like doing much else. Sleep masks pain (usually) and I was in no mood to feel like I was swallowing glass shards or knives all the time – I am not a circus performer. So, sleep was a good escape. I’m perfectly fine, albeit a little woozy/weak from lack of food (hey – and 10 lbs lighter!), but able-bodied and ready to go … I just can’t swallow without major pain!
But, this too, shall pass – and heal … I’m already feeling the gross coverings coating my throat (sorry tmi) and in another week, I’ll be back to my old self. And as in “old self” – the doctor already told us he wouldn’t do this surgery on someone of my “advanced” age in the future. Okay, sonny – nice to know! In any case, I wouldn’t recommend it – not really the staycation of my dreams. Covid was more fun.
And this? Unless you’re 10 … it’s not for the faint of heart … or throat!